It's not...It's just...I'm searching

I’m not abandoning Smith, it’s not that I don’t like it here, not that I’m not committed to climbing the Optimist, but I do have some time in between the send date. I'm jonesing to get out and explore, see what kind of climbing is out there, and if I want to live somewhere else, rather than grating my knuckles on Smith tuff. Bend is where it’s at, if you’re a newlywed looking to have kids. Or if you’re retired and still active. Or if you’re on active vacation.

If you’re single and looking to make a life for yourself? Bend is about the loneliest place to try and meet anyone. Everyone’s super nice, except they’re all super busy too, have already established their cliques, or they’re not willing to disrupt their fitness routine to hang out. Seriously. It’s all about priorities here, and I don’t feel like I’m even close to the top. I feel like I have to push and shove to get the attention I want, and that’s not how I want to conduct friendships. In my mind, it’s an even deal– you call me with an idea, we do it, I call you, etc. We work together, get along, have fun together, have the same ideas of what’s fun, what a good day out is, have similar goals; we can have a conversation or a friendly argument.

Saw Fred at the crag today. He’s ripped and the same. I’m softer and different – more intense.

The weather was beautiful, breezy and perfect for sending. Not the rock, it was a little greasy, but the sun equaled tank top weather. I actually worried about tan lines on my back.

The usual suspects showed up at Morning Glory, late like always, and drove us away, but not before we hopped on Nine Gallon Buckets, Overboard and then I decided to send Cool Ranch Flavor and the .12a extension that I flailed on last week. I hung on out of pure determination and dislike for the route, so I think that ups my total of 5.12s to three.

Esther faithfully followed, flailed through the cruxes and took my shouted advice with good cheer and a smile. She’ll make a great road trip partner.

We trekked over to Pack Animal Direct to feel out a little trad and I fell in love all over again – with the little cam triggers and the moving parts and the way each lobe fits so precisely into a crack – amazing! – and Esther gave me pointers on how placements are different in Indian Creek. I’m getting gear nailed down for this trip (Thanks, UtahDave and Brett), along with…other plans too secret to mention. Even I don’t know about them yet. The crack felt great. I swear it’s not .10b except for the way my fingers slot so perfectly into the seams - I’ll bet whoever did the FA had sausage fingers...And then Esther nonchalantly suggested Wartley’s next and the light clicked on for me and I said, “yeah!” and we sat and had lunch in the sun, overlooking the river and surrounded by sunset-colored walls.