Thank you

One of the things I was really afraid of, when I decided that I no longer wanted a dog, was that my friends and family would disown me, would see through my guise of selflessness at finding her a better home to the real reason; my freedom. Getting her off my back. Putting myself into a place where I can be completely selfish, act only for me, where I don’t feel guilty for coming home late in a bad mood or not at all.

But my friends and family have all been really supportive. It started about two weeks ago - I should say it came to a head - when we had a quasi-dinner party and we all talked about really heavy stuff. Stealth was my subject, and being able to talk about it helped me think about her objectively; what is best for us? Still, it was too hard to contemplate and I avoided the subject, until I talked to Kaylie about it, and explored a little more, and I went home for the weekend and ran it by my mom, probably the most understanding person in the world aside from Shannon, but I was still scared she would hear me out, look at me and ask what I thought I was doing, getting a dog in the first place if I couldn’t handle the responsibility, and who was I to unload this problem dog on someone else? No one asked me that, though I did of myself several times. And I was scared that everyone I told about my decision would look at me and lower their opinion of me.

Thankfully, my family and friends are more forgiving and understanding than I give them credit for. Sarah told me she was proud of me for making such a selfless decision, Shannon listened and made sympathetic noises that meant maybe she didn’t agree but she could see the logic behind my actions, Jon told me to look for someone who needed a dog (much in the way I needed Stealth when I first got her, to focus my attention and energy on something other than myself), Esther hugged me and said she understood and looked at Buck and said he’s too old to find a new home, Bree listened, and my roommates were sorry, but I don’t think she will be too badly missed. I felt bad, sad when she was gone. Guilty for feeling relieved, for thinking of all the possibilities now that I’m free.

Thank you, friends and family, for being there.

On a side note: Two days after the family got Stealth (now Nikita, after La Femme Nikita) she ran away without a trace. The family called me, there was nothing I could do, I suggested they check a few places, and it ruined the rest of my day. I should’ve known - who am I to be giving away a runaway-prone dog to a trusting family? But she came back to them the next day. I think she’ll be fine.