Empty Space

Bree and Dana left this morning, and I made them scoot before I started crying. Why are goodbyes so darn difficult? I know I’ll see them again soon, within the next two or three months, but after they left I felt a weight on my head and bags under my eyes, like I was filling up with tears. A heaviness surrounded me and the lack of their presence was like a physical wound in my side. Like an ice cream scoop had taken a swipe at me. I felt sad.

A couple hours later, I still feel sad, but distanced, and I’m conscious of all the other stuff that needs to get done in my life before I can go have fun.

I forget I can have fun sometimes when I lose people. In fact, my mind kind of blanks on all the possibilities of what I could be doing and I end up sitting – reading a book, writing, eating, until I click back on and I can function again. Sometimes is takes hours, sometimes it’s only a couple minutes. It’s best when I have appointments or somewhere to be after my friends leave – activity helps me get back on track. Otherwise it’s easy to sit and feel the empty space.